Is there a light at the end of the tunnel we've been in? God has been so gracious with His love, and has been keeping us, even if we have been gulping for air as the water tried to cover us. But we've received some good news, and it looks like (almost afraid to say) there might be light up ahead. Not QUITE ready to go into details yet, but things are beginning to look up.
On another note, I don't feel like I can stop writing until I say something about last week's big news story (mostly because I meant to last week, and for various reasons, never got to it). Burning another religion's book, or telling people where they can build buildings, is NOT the Christian way of doing things. I know there are some out there that will disagree with me, but Christianity is about LOVE, not hate. Jesus, Himself, dined with those that society considered undesirables, so that He might just reach them through His love for them. The hypocrisy of these other actions does not teach anything but hate and in my mind, is no better than what Hitler did, or any other prejudicial thought or action. Sorry folks. Just telling it for what it is.
Anyway, am continuing to ask for prayers.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Blessings - and the true joy of a trial
I finally get it (I hope!)! I saw it in my daughter today. She's playing (dancing to the movie Tinker Bell actually) and I remembered in an instant all the trials and heartaches I had before God blessed us with her. Everyone around me getting pregnant, having to go to hospitals and pretend to be happy for the new mommy with their new child while inside my heart was splitting in two, wondering what was wrong me that I couldn't have a baby. Truly, there is no greater pain for a woman than to want a child and that moment to not come. You feel .... worthless. Isn't that funny? After all the woman's right movements for women to have to stay in the kitchen "barefoot and pregnant" as the old saying goes, no career can measure up to the pain and joy of being or not being a mother.
Now, in our current situation, it's another whole ballgame. A new set of, seemingly, insurmountable trials.
It says, somewhere in the Bible (I'm not good at pointing out exact scripture yet) to rejoice in a trial. And seriously, I've never understood that. How do you rejoice when everything around you seems bleak and hopeless? Then it occurred to me. You rejoice because you know, the harder the trial, the bigger the blessing is when you reach the end of it. Okay, God, I know I'm slow, but I'm catching on!! LOL!
Now, in our current situation, it's another whole ballgame. A new set of, seemingly, insurmountable trials.
It says, somewhere in the Bible (I'm not good at pointing out exact scripture yet) to rejoice in a trial. And seriously, I've never understood that. How do you rejoice when everything around you seems bleak and hopeless? Then it occurred to me. You rejoice because you know, the harder the trial, the bigger the blessing is when you reach the end of it. Okay, God, I know I'm slow, but I'm catching on!! LOL!
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Clearing in the storm... or a mirage?
Please pray for us, if you are a praying kind of person. There are some brighter spots out on the horizon that we are praying are clearings to this little storm we've been going through. The clearing is still a bit in the distance at this point, but there are some possible changes coming that could mean a little less stress and a little more comfort. Not that our trust can ever be placed in anything other than God...
Monday, July 26, 2010
Trials, trials, trials
UGH! Another week, more trials. Just kind of seems like this little adventure we're on (if that's what you want to call it), is never going to end. I never really pictured myself at this stage in life worrying about where the next paycheck was going to be coming from. But then, I guess that's just life isn't it? Why can't it ever just be neat and tidy?!? LOL!
All in all, I know I'm pretty lucky. But yet, the daily stress of being in such a difficult financial position gets old pretty quick.
Still, God did remind me the other day that just because we're going through this doesn't mean He's forgotten us. I guess this is just growing pains. I have to admit, I've been reminded of and have learned a lot through this trial. I had gotten a little jaded before this, now He's humbled me.
So, that being the case, I guess I should rejoice and keep plugging along. This thing called Faith sure isn't easy though.
All in all, I know I'm pretty lucky. But yet, the daily stress of being in such a difficult financial position gets old pretty quick.
Still, God did remind me the other day that just because we're going through this doesn't mean He's forgotten us. I guess this is just growing pains. I have to admit, I've been reminded of and have learned a lot through this trial. I had gotten a little jaded before this, now He's humbled me.
So, that being the case, I guess I should rejoice and keep plugging along. This thing called Faith sure isn't easy though.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Confirmations
It's funny how God works sometimes. You go through something, and wonder if how you are handling that something is right or wrong. But, if you leave it in God's hands, He always works so that what you are doing is confirmed to be in His will... or not.
My daughter had a fever of 103.7 a couple of weeks ago. For about 24 hours, we were were constantly racing the clock to get more baby Tylenol in her before it crept past that 104 mark (the magic number for a visit to the emergency room). Of course, we took her to the dr, and it was diagnosed as a simple virus - nothing to worry about in their eyes. In my eyes, well, any mom (and dad) knows that when your child is heating up and lying on the floor with no energy, it's the point when you worry. Anyway, after a couple of days she was back up and running, back to her old self. The confirmation came the first night, lying in bed with her sleeping with us. God reminded me that, if I was still working, I would have a choice to make in the morning. To get up, go to work, leaving my sick baby with her grandmother while I try to get through a day not being there to hold her; or to stay home with her. Really no choice there - I'd be home. But if I didn't have sick or vacation time, the option would have been go to work or take whatever disciplinary action followed. Really?!? Still no choice in my train of thought, but that would have been the facts, take 'em or leave 'em.
The second confirmation followed a week later, again, lying in bed, trying to unwind from the day. And it came to mind that these days companies just don't care about their employees the way the once did. They EXPECT you give them everything - not only the typical 40 hours a week, but in many cases, overtime. They expect you to have your priorities in this order : the company, family, God. And the company better be way out in front of the other two. And then the world wonders how come we have kids shooting at each other in grade school, why homes are falling apart at the seams with divorce rates like never seen before, why a country so set on possessing material items is going through the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression.
I heard from a friend that the company they work for has just been bought out and it has not been made clear rather, after 22 years of dedication, she will have a job by the end of the year when the new company takes over. She has done nothing wrong, given all she had to give them, and still may not have a job in a matter of months. This is the reality of our hard work and labor.
Please don't misunderstand. I am not condemning anyone for feeling that they need to have two parents working when they have a child. The good Lord knows I have questioned my decision so many times, in light of our economic condition. But I'd so much rather put all my hard work into my child than into a company that will dump me at the first sign of their hardships, just to improve their bottom line.
It says in the Bible that we look into a glass darkly - we can't see everything that God has waiting for us. God sees the BIG picture, we only see what is right in front of us. That's where Faith comes in. I don't believe God wants us to place our priorities in a way that harms the very foundations of what He has established. And he did establish the institute of marriage and family - I can see that every time I look at what has been built in my home.
Maybe being on the right track in Faith doesn't mean a smooth ride. Maybe it means taking all the bumps and tumbles with grace, knowing that what awaits when the train trip is over is something far better than what we could have built on our own.
My daughter had a fever of 103.7 a couple of weeks ago. For about 24 hours, we were were constantly racing the clock to get more baby Tylenol in her before it crept past that 104 mark (the magic number for a visit to the emergency room). Of course, we took her to the dr, and it was diagnosed as a simple virus - nothing to worry about in their eyes. In my eyes, well, any mom (and dad) knows that when your child is heating up and lying on the floor with no energy, it's the point when you worry. Anyway, after a couple of days she was back up and running, back to her old self. The confirmation came the first night, lying in bed with her sleeping with us. God reminded me that, if I was still working, I would have a choice to make in the morning. To get up, go to work, leaving my sick baby with her grandmother while I try to get through a day not being there to hold her; or to stay home with her. Really no choice there - I'd be home. But if I didn't have sick or vacation time, the option would have been go to work or take whatever disciplinary action followed. Really?!? Still no choice in my train of thought, but that would have been the facts, take 'em or leave 'em.
The second confirmation followed a week later, again, lying in bed, trying to unwind from the day. And it came to mind that these days companies just don't care about their employees the way the once did. They EXPECT you give them everything - not only the typical 40 hours a week, but in many cases, overtime. They expect you to have your priorities in this order : the company, family, God. And the company better be way out in front of the other two. And then the world wonders how come we have kids shooting at each other in grade school, why homes are falling apart at the seams with divorce rates like never seen before, why a country so set on possessing material items is going through the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression.
I heard from a friend that the company they work for has just been bought out and it has not been made clear rather, after 22 years of dedication, she will have a job by the end of the year when the new company takes over. She has done nothing wrong, given all she had to give them, and still may not have a job in a matter of months. This is the reality of our hard work and labor.
Please don't misunderstand. I am not condemning anyone for feeling that they need to have two parents working when they have a child. The good Lord knows I have questioned my decision so many times, in light of our economic condition. But I'd so much rather put all my hard work into my child than into a company that will dump me at the first sign of their hardships, just to improve their bottom line.
It says in the Bible that we look into a glass darkly - we can't see everything that God has waiting for us. God sees the BIG picture, we only see what is right in front of us. That's where Faith comes in. I don't believe God wants us to place our priorities in a way that harms the very foundations of what He has established. And he did establish the institute of marriage and family - I can see that every time I look at what has been built in my home.
Maybe being on the right track in Faith doesn't mean a smooth ride. Maybe it means taking all the bumps and tumbles with grace, knowing that what awaits when the train trip is over is something far better than what we could have built on our own.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Positive... negative... and reality check
What a week this is turning out to be. Feels like a roller coaster, but then, this past year feels like one (and I'm quite ready to get off of it, thank you very much!) We learned that one .... concern ... has been at least delayed by a month or two, which is a positive thing. We also learned that one source of income has come to an end (OUCH!). And then the reality check. Someone I knew just lost their spouse. And it checked me into remembering what is truly important. The struggles we've been going through have been hard, and that seems like an understatement. Yet, what's truly important, what really matters, is all right here in my house healthy and well: A husband I love, and a beautiful, smart, loving child. And, most importantly, a relationship with God that, while it doesn't seem like He's answering prayers at the moment, I know HE IS ANSWERING THOSE PRAYERS, as He sees fit. I am blessed. Even in the middle of the trial. Praise God.
Monday, July 12, 2010
New at this
This is my first blog - ever. Very new at this, but thought it may be a good idea, that it may help someone else who is going through something similar.
I'm a Christian. That much must be said if anyone is going to understand any of what I'm going to say from here on out. My husband is a pastor, a Christian music singer, and an Aflac Insurance Salesman. I am now a stay at home mom to a wonderful 19 month old baby girl who is nothing less than a blessing from God. But I'm getting a little ahead of myself. I guess I should start at the beginning.
A little more than two years ago, my husband of 8 years and I received some surprising news. We were pregnant! This is surprising because, in all of those eight years that we have been together, we had been trying - hard - to have a child. With no luck. The doctors couldn't figure out why, everything seemed to be in working order, but regardless, we could not get pregnant. We had all but giving up, and adoption was beginning to be a serious topic of consideration (it wasn't prior to that, I was being pigheaded - I'll admit it - I wanted a child that was OURS - I wanted every part of the child rearing experience, and in my mind that included pregnancy). Then, out of no where, we got the confirmation, I was six weeks pregnant. The first few months were like walking on eggshells. Everything scared me, as the idea of losing the life that was then growing inside of me was horrifying. Until I turned it over to the Lord, knowing he blessed us with this gift, and He would take care of it. 9 months later, our blessing was born.
At the time, I was working for a large OTC drug manufacturing company, making okay money. My husband also worked, making okay money. But we now faced a crossroads. Do I return to work and leave my child in the hands of daycare providers or do I stay at home to raise the baby that we had so longed for? After much prayer, and some sleepness nights (just as much from the debate within my own head as from feeding a newborn every few hours), the decision was made. We would step out on Faith that God would provide our every need, and I would be at home. This was something that went WAY outside my comfort zone, but I know I have a God that is bigger than my comfort zone, and we moved forward. I'll be honest - I was scared out of my mind. Some days, I still am.
He has been truthful to His word - the Bible reads that He will provide our every need, and I can truthfully say He has done just that. But things are far from comfortable for us. It seems every day is a struggle, at least financially. And while we know that "this too shall pass", it can be so hard to remember that in the midst of the storm.
Would I return to work if I could get a job (in this economy, that would be a whole other issue)? Some days I think I should. But then I look at our little girl, and how she depends on us, on me, and I just know I'm doing to right thing. I know a lot of people may not agree with me. They don't have to. This is our family, and we believe that we are doing the right thing for it. But we have to do it with God in the lead - He has to be in the driver's seat - or this car is defiantly going to crash.
I'm not writing this blog to debate my Faith with anyone, or debate the right and wrong things about being a stay at home mom. I am only writing this to encourage others (and maybe get some encouragement from them) in terms of stepping out in Faith on God. It doesn't make sense. But it is right. At least it is for us. And He's in control.
I'm a Christian. That much must be said if anyone is going to understand any of what I'm going to say from here on out. My husband is a pastor, a Christian music singer, and an Aflac Insurance Salesman. I am now a stay at home mom to a wonderful 19 month old baby girl who is nothing less than a blessing from God. But I'm getting a little ahead of myself. I guess I should start at the beginning.
A little more than two years ago, my husband of 8 years and I received some surprising news. We were pregnant! This is surprising because, in all of those eight years that we have been together, we had been trying - hard - to have a child. With no luck. The doctors couldn't figure out why, everything seemed to be in working order, but regardless, we could not get pregnant. We had all but giving up, and adoption was beginning to be a serious topic of consideration (it wasn't prior to that, I was being pigheaded - I'll admit it - I wanted a child that was OURS - I wanted every part of the child rearing experience, and in my mind that included pregnancy). Then, out of no where, we got the confirmation, I was six weeks pregnant. The first few months were like walking on eggshells. Everything scared me, as the idea of losing the life that was then growing inside of me was horrifying. Until I turned it over to the Lord, knowing he blessed us with this gift, and He would take care of it. 9 months later, our blessing was born.
At the time, I was working for a large OTC drug manufacturing company, making okay money. My husband also worked, making okay money. But we now faced a crossroads. Do I return to work and leave my child in the hands of daycare providers or do I stay at home to raise the baby that we had so longed for? After much prayer, and some sleepness nights (just as much from the debate within my own head as from feeding a newborn every few hours), the decision was made. We would step out on Faith that God would provide our every need, and I would be at home. This was something that went WAY outside my comfort zone, but I know I have a God that is bigger than my comfort zone, and we moved forward. I'll be honest - I was scared out of my mind. Some days, I still am.
He has been truthful to His word - the Bible reads that He will provide our every need, and I can truthfully say He has done just that. But things are far from comfortable for us. It seems every day is a struggle, at least financially. And while we know that "this too shall pass", it can be so hard to remember that in the midst of the storm.
Would I return to work if I could get a job (in this economy, that would be a whole other issue)? Some days I think I should. But then I look at our little girl, and how she depends on us, on me, and I just know I'm doing to right thing. I know a lot of people may not agree with me. They don't have to. This is our family, and we believe that we are doing the right thing for it. But we have to do it with God in the lead - He has to be in the driver's seat - or this car is defiantly going to crash.
I'm not writing this blog to debate my Faith with anyone, or debate the right and wrong things about being a stay at home mom. I am only writing this to encourage others (and maybe get some encouragement from them) in terms of stepping out in Faith on God. It doesn't make sense. But it is right. At least it is for us. And He's in control.
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